Bakura's Rant
by PineapplePandaCub
Summary: A random story about bakura being left home alone with no food, and a dirty mind for Ryou. Now Marik is going to try and help him win over Ryou! Proublem with that? Marik isn't in it to be a good friend.
1. Food!

AN- hey...uhh...well I'm board and my friend said that I should try sitting down playing random music and typing something completely random...what ever I came up with is what I have for a story! As simple as that! Well...here it goes!

Bakura's Rant...

Chapter One: Food!

I am so fucking sick of being left home alone while Ryou goes of to school to get that damned education of his! I hate it! Why do I hate it? Because when he's at school I have no one to feed me...

Yes it's an odd little thing to hate but I can't cook...Ryou says he's going to teach me how to use the stove some day but for now I don't know how...

According to him I'm not allowed to teach myself to cook ether because the last time I tried he ended up cleaning deep fried kiwi from the ceiling...It's best if I don't explain that one...

But now just look at me! I'm sitting at home on my hakari's computer practicing my typing skills and trying to figure out something to do!

It's just not right for an evil saccadic Yami to be stuck alone in a small cramped house with nothing to do but make a virtual Journal! Why? Because there are so many other things I could be doing at a time like this! Like...like...like taking over the world! Again! Mua ha ha haa!

Yes I could take over the world while their al in school! The Ra-Damned Pharaoh can't stop me if he's in math class! They'll come out of school and home just in tine to find out they don't have a home! I could blow it up! Yah! With a nuclear missal! And bunny's!

Bunny's are evil...they have really sharp teeth and eat more carrots then what is healthy for one to consume...shouldn't their skin be like orange or something?

...maybe I could train an army of evil bunnies to attack Yami in his sleep and consume his flesh...heh heh heh...if he didn't have flesh then his bones would be naked...

ewww...naked Yami...that's a disturbing thought...

I like Ryou when he's naked...mmmm...Ryou naked and strapped to a bed...better yet Ryou naked and strapped to MY bed...yes...that would be a VARY good thing...

I would just love to take him, to grab him the minute he walked in through the door from school throw him onto the kitchen counter and ravage him! Yes that would be fun...mmm...I bet he tastes awesome...

I wonder what he does taste like...mmm...Ryou...

Ah crap...now I have a problem...Oh the hell with it! It's not like anyone's home to ask me about it anyways!

Damn.

I'm getting hungry, and Ryou left without making any breakfast for me to kidnap leftovers from! He was late for school and didn't have time to make anything...now I'm going to starve to death!

Well...not to death, I mean, I'm already dead but I'm still able to fell the pain from lack of food! I mean come on! I do have a body now and it does like to be fed! Damn body and it's damn needs...

Ahh damn-it! I just remembered that it's grocery day! Which of course means that there isn't anything in the fridge to begin with and that of course means that even if I could cook there isn't anything for me to make anyways! and that also means that once school lets out he's going to go out shopping for the groshers and wont be back until latter on! I won't be able to eat for forever!

NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I WANT FOOD!

Yeah, yeah , I know that I'm over reacting but hell you would too if the only thing you could find in the cupboard that wasn't moldy bread or stale crackers was the chocolate sauce crap...which incidentally I am now eating...mmmm...chocolate...

The clock says that it's now one...only one more hour until school gets out...yep one more hour before my little Ryou gets out of school...and then he can get me food! Yeay! Food!

Though I'm still going to have to wait until he gets home.

I wonder what he taste like with chocolate sauce...uh...I really need to get laid...

I wonder if Marik is busy. He's not allowed to leave the house unless Malik is home...I wonder if he knows how to work MSN...

Uhh...Marik on MSN...that wouldn't be the best of things...I don't think that I'm gonna go finding that out!

...I don't even think he can spell yet!

Well, that's not vary much of a surprise seeing as he was only made maybe six years ago...

...I'm board again...and I'm still hungry too...I hate being hungry...damn...I'm out of chocolate syrup! I wonder if those stale crackers are any good...

In the real world

Sliding the chair out and moving into the small kitchen of the apartment Bakura found his way into the cupboard.

"Damn-it...there all gone too! Where the hell can I get some food! I'm hungry damn-it!"

"meow!"

"Go away Kura!" A large white cat now moved around the tomb robbers feet, shouting hurt mew's up to him as he finally reached deep under the sink and pulled from a it a bright red and orange box.

"Meooooow!"

A triumphant smile came to his face as he moved a hand into the box and pulled from it one of the small square crackers.

"Ha ha! Food! and their stuffed!..." Popping a few into his mouth and wrinkling his nose he moved to the fridge and grabbed the ketchup before heading back to the computer.

"Their crunchy...taste exactly like crackers...and have a center that could be passed off as dirt! Eeeeack! I hope this helps the flavor a bit..."

"Meoooow! Meow! Meow!" still frowning and attempting to ignore their fat cat he couldn't help but notice the creature curl up onto the small nest of clothes he had seen it spend the day making.

"Yeah, go take a nap Kura."

Back to the world of computers!

sorry I was gone for so long...Oh! heh heh heh, you can't tell if I'm gone or not can you? Well I was just gone for a few minutes to get the crackers...

They taste really bad...I wonder if I'm going to find out if the flavor improves upon droning in ketchup!

Hey! They aren't so bad with ketchup!

Mmmmmmm...thick tomato flavored bloodish liquid...

yeah, yeah I know that it doesn't taste anything lie blood but it sure as heck looks like it!

Hmm, the cats came to keep me company. It's big and white and fluffy...Ryou named it Kura after me, because the first day we got him he attacked Yami...

heh heh heh, stupid Pharaoh...

He's really heavy! Cats are never as light as people say they are! It's just like 'look at my kitty! Isn't she pretty!' and you'll see some five your old carrying it around as if it's nothing! Or the damn people in those animes where they run around with a cat on their head! That's fuckin' imposable! I know that if I were to run around with Kura on my head my fuckin' neck would break!

Just think about it! Ten pounds of flesh and fat ridding on your head! No that is not right!

hmmm...I'm running out of crackers... and the cat won't stop starring at me funny... Damn cat! I bet it wants my food! Well it' snot going to get it you hear! It's my food! Mine I tell you Mine, mine! Mua ha ha haa!

and for those of you wondering yes I do need to have my head examined.

The cats acting weird...it's like lying down and screaming in pain or something...maybe I should let him out...yeah that would probably be the best idea, HOLY FUCK HE'S HAVEING A BABY!

Back in the real world

Jumping from his seat at the key board he raced to the cats side and stared slack jawed at the thing now giving birth.

"crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap..." felling his stomach begin to turn he moved into the kitchen, grabbing the nearest oven mitt and towel before racing back to the scan of chaos!

"Fuck! No! Get back in there! Ryou isn't here to help you! No! Stop! Don't come out!" he dropped back to the floor as he watch the third little bundle of joy fall from it's mother...

Biting his lip he moved the first of the kittens onto the towel, watching as yet another one came from the 'heavy' cat...

"Fuck! How many things are there in there! Stop having baby's! You're suppose to be a boy! You're suppose to be my boy buddy for talking about how hot Ryou is with! Damn you!"

Ripping the oven mitt in half and lifting the kittens from their places on the laundry. He soon had them all placed happily onto the towel and cushioned mitten next to their mother for feeding...the cat had finally stopped spitting children at him...thank the gods!

"Ok...now what the hell do I do..." he looked around the house in search for some emergency number before coming to the conclusion that a mind link would work just as well as a phone...

/Hakariiiiiiiiiiii/

There was a deep sigh threw their link before he received an answer from his light.

/Yes Bakura/

/I have a problem...and I don't know what to do about it.../

/I'm not going to bail you out of jail again if that's the question/

/No, no nothing like that...hey! Why the hell wouldn't you/

/Because you could just return to the Ring and I wouldn't have to pay five hundred dollars! That's why/

/Oh...well...yeah…ok...I guess that would work.../

"Meow!"

"mew!"

"mew!"

"mew!"

"mew!"

/Oh! uhh...Kura isn't a boy/

/How do you know that/

/Because he just had baby's/

/HE WHAT! OH MY GOSH! How many are there are they cute? Is everything ok? Oh umm, umm...uhh...Give me ten minutes and I'll be right home I swear! Oh my sweet Kami this is great/

"Well...at least he's excited..." frowning still he glanced back over to his once male cat and it's four little squealing kittens.

"Right now, I hate you."

Thirty minutes later and the arrival of a vet, Bakura is about to be successfully fed as Ryou is now ordering pizza to celebrate the arrival of a bouncing bound of kittens!

"Well...at least one good thing came form all this, at least I'm finally being fed!"

"I don't see what's so bad about any of this Bakura."

"YOUWERN'T THE ONE WHO WATCHED ONE OF YOUR BEST MALE BUDDYS SHOOT BABY'S FROM IT'S ASS!"

"True...but their cute!" the light smiled as he raised his hands to his chest beaming over to the small box of kittens

"And they were born on your laundry..."

"I can bye a new uniform, I still have the one I was wearing."

"And they disturbed my eating..."

Ryou blinked as he took the bag that his Yami was currently holding into the air.

"Yami..."

"Ne?"

"These are cat treats..."

"..."

AN: well...uhh...that's it I guess...for now...the first chapter of many to come...I think...there is absolutely no point to this story like thingy! I just wanted to write something because I was board and have never done a comedy before...But hell if I can get so much a three reviews within the nest three days then I will continue to write it. Ok? Sound fair? Good! Then if you read it please Review! (( NO FLAMES!))


	2. Flaming Bakura’s and Naked Yami’s

AN- Wow…I got more reviews for writing one chapter of something randomly when I'm board then what I do for a story that I poor my heart and soul into! This is horrible! Rather satisfying but horrible still. XD Thank you to all who have reviewed to this. This chapter is for you!

Help Wanted- I've now been told by a few people when writing my stories that I have grammar and spelling errors. Well there's a reason for it as I am dyslexic so I am now looking for anyone who would like to help me in editing my stories so that they can be posted without any mistakes. Also I'm having some trouble with my computer so updating will take a bit . Please be patient with me I am writing four stories at once after all. -;;

Disclaimer- This is stupid. If I owned it I would have been gloating about it long ago!

**Bakura's Rant**

Chapter Two: Flaming Bakura's and Naked Yami's

Bakura frowned as he laid back ageist the cousins of his sofa. Feet propped up and head leaned back he stared focused upon the ceiling as three of the little kittens made their adventurous way across his body, exploring the new world know as Ryou's living room!

Making a face he peered down to one of the kittens that had made a napping place upon the crotch of his pants and proceeded to wrinkle his nose.

"You my friend are way to young to be thinking about sleeping anywhere near there…" however he left the small cat where it was and allowed his head to settle back down upon the arm of the sofa.

He could feel the small tugs of the fourth little kitten on his hair. It unlike the others was obviously entertaining itself by playing 'Bald The Bakura' at the end of the couch, catching a small amount of his long silver locks in it's mouth before tugging at them in a vain attempt to pull them from their roots.

He grunted again this time twisting his head to see the other little demon reeking havoc upon him.

"How do you expect me to win over Ryou if some three week brat ass kitten-cannon-ball makes me bald!" he was forced to grimace again as the smaller feline ignored his small attempt of persuasion and pulled another three hairs from his skull.

"I wonder what kitten taste like…"

"Bakura I'm home!"

"Damn…oh well, at least now I can get some proper food." He smiled placing his new favorite snack onto the table and moving into the kitchen. The small red bag quickly being tipped over by Kura and gratefully eaten.

"Bakura!" the smaller male proclaimed before hiding a small red and blue bag behind his back.

The tomb thief raised an eyebrow upon witnessing this though said nothing. His light tended to do and say strange things and he really didn't want to be doing anything too out of the ordinary today. Between being unwillingly proclaimed as a pedophile by one kitten and turned into a carom dome by the other he really didn't want to go doing anything that may cause him anymore humiliation then what he had already experienced…I mean for Ra sakes! His favorite snack to eat before Ryou's return from school was cat treats!

"I'm hungry."

"Well…that was blunt…"

He shrugged before moving to the cupboard and taking from it a small bowl and an egg. He had managed to figure out how to prepare some of the food…just not cook it.. like eggs for example! He knew that to start off you first had to get the egg and put it in the bowl and mix it with milk and spices before you could put it in the pan for scrambled eggs!

Smiling at this Ryou moved something from his bag, slipping a small rather frilly apron over the top of Bakura's head from behind before quickly fastening it to the spirit.

The tomb robber blinked for a moment before turning to face his hakari and having a few bright lights flash in his face. A couple of photo's being taken in the process.

"AHHH! MY EYE'S! MY EYE'S!" he stepped backwards and onto the cats tale who then proceeded to show his back what it felt like to be a block of cheese to a greater.

Shouting yet another curse he jumped again, this time landing into his hakari's arms.

"Uhh! Bak-urrr-a….too heavy…" there was a loud bang and soon the two of them were on the floor again. The cat just managing to escape the wrath of their fall.

"heh heh heh…uhh…sorry hakari…"

"Mmm…well come on! Let's have you cook up some food! You'll never learn if you don't try!"

Ten minutes later. Bakura's POV

"AHHHHH! IT'S EXPLODING!"

"It's not exploding! The oil caught fire! Grab the pot lid and cover the flames!"

I turn my attention to the lid and quickly grabbed at it as the firey pan continued to spit it's acid at me. I moved as quickly as I could slamming the lid onto the pan and smiled…

"Now was that so bad?"

"Heh heh, hey I guess it AHHH! I'M EXPLODING! I'M EXPLODING!"

"OH MY RA! BAKURA YOU'RE ON FIRE!"

"I CAN SEE THAT MAKE IT STOP!"

"Uhh! Uhhh! Rule number one! Never panic!"

"Easy for you to say your not on fire!" I swat and pat furiously at the flames. If I had been at home jumping into the sand to smother it would have been a good idea. But for now I was wearing a FUCKING FLAMING APRIN STRAPED TO MY CHEST! HE TIED A FREILLY DEATH TRAP TOP MY CHEST!

"STOP DROP AND ROLL!"

Still having my attention firmly focused on my burning hands and flaming body I quickly fell to my back and noticed that…well…there was no where to roll...as I have a counter on one side of me and a table on the other...I was now burning alive…er…dead…and on my back! Wow! Look at how high the flames can go!

"WHERE THE HELL DO I FUCKING ROLL!"

"Neah! Neah! Neah!" He's squeaking, and though I would usually enjoy hearing him squeak, I'm usually below 350 degrees Celsius.

"I-I know! Just wait there! I-I'll be right back!" With that hje raced out of the room.

Ah yes. Please lie there and burn. Why not? We've tried just about everything else…hmm…I wonder why he didn't think to use the water form the tap…Why am I so calm as my flesh melts form my body?

"I've got it! Close your eyes!"

"Why the fuck should I clo-" My protests were short lived as a thick foam filled my chest, mouth and vision…wow…though the extreme pain from my chest is gone this new pain of immense burning has randomly began in my eye balls…hmm…

"AHHHH! IT BURNS IT BURNS!"

One Trip of healing to the Ring later…

"Ryou…"

"Ne Bakura?"

"If I ever go to cook again…please shoot me…"

He gave a laugh…as if this was some kind of a joke…I failed to see what was so funny…

"Yami, I'm not going to be able to cook your food for you for ever! You're going to have to learn at some point!"

"But every time I cook something goes wrong…" He's still cleaning up the kitchen…and now he's holding a box…it's a box of cookie mix…

"Here…" he's handing it to me…didn't he just hear me tell him that last bit about 'never cook again'…some how I don't he was paying any attention to me… "Try making these! Their plan cookies. Just add whatever toping you want, mix it up in a bowl, preheat the oven to 450 lay them in small balls on a non stick cookie sheet and put them in the oven for no more then twenty minutes. Ok?"

I give a small nod before looking at my enemy once more…how I would loath making these cookies…yes I would loath them and in return they would loath me back…

"Fine…I'll make cookies…"

Smiling he went back to work…first cleaning up the floor…and then cleaning up the counter and stove…after that he pulled out a bunch of ingredients and laid them onto the counter.

"This is all the stuff you'll need. Now you just have to add your own treats, like peanuts butter, chocolate chips, smarties…you know those sort of thing. No blood! I can not emphasize on that enough! NO BLOOD!"

I frowned…that wasn't vary fair…these were going to be my cookies and I couldn't even make them my way…but fine! I wouldn't use blood!

"All right all right…. I won't use blood…" Smiling at this he left the kitchen leaving me to my work.

I walked along the counter eyeing each and every ingredient…they were all making fun of me and I knew it…they were all planning my death, they were going to try and get the best of me!

My eye's travel to the blender and I run back to my painful memory of when I was first trying to make the Kiwi pancakes…and how I got my hair stuck in the damned blender! Ryou had to spend three full hours untangling my hair and then another two brushing it…hell hadn't been nearly as cruel as the torture that vial creature had put me threw!

"Well your not going to get me this time Mr. Blender! I'm going to use a fork! MUA HA HA HA HAA!"

"Bakura what are you…No, Don't tell me! I don't want to know!"

Smirking I pick up the package and set myself to work.

One egg.

One cup of water.

And a quarter cup of oil.

Mix well.

Add a half cup of your favorite cookie ingredient and mix again…

I complete these tasks with great care, being careful not to let my hair fall into the batter at any point or time! I'm down to the last step…my favorite ingredient…and choosing carefully I add two things…a quarter cup of each…

The balls are made and I throw them in the oven! Pre-heated and all! My triumph would be great! I would learn to cook yet!

"Wow! I'm impressed Bakura! You didn't set the place on fire this time! Good job!"

"Shut-up."

Twenty minutes pass before Ryou allows me to take the cookies. I go to the tray and grab two, one for me and one for him.

"All right Bakura! Let's see if you're any good at making cookies." He smiled and I smiled back.

I handed one of my first successful baking attempts to him and watched as he brought the small biscuit up to his nose and gently sniffing at it's off scent.

"What kind are they? What did you put in them?" I watch as he brings it to his lips, taking a big bite and chewing for a few moments before he leaned over and began to spew.

"Kitty treats and red hot chilly peppers. It said your favorite ingredients."

"Geah! Poison!"

"No, I didn't say I added poison…"

he grabbed my shirt sleeve as he once more emptied what ever contents that might have remained within his stomach before slowly bringing himself back up…he was looking pretty sick…

"Ryou I want you to know that having you vomit on my foot was THOURILY DISGUSTING!"

he nodded for a moment before looking up to me. "Well let's see you eat one of them!"

Shrugging I brought the cookie to my lips. It wasn't that bad. In fact I kind of liked it! Sweet and spicy with the disgusting kitty treats taste I had grown to love!

I smile turning back to him before popping the rest of it into my mouth and watching as the rest of his stomach came out of his…I was sure that he would have ran out by now!

"Maybe I should get you to bed…"

"Mew, mew, mew.."

"Mew"

"Mew, mew!"

We both seemed to look down this time and my eyes widened at the new 'treat' the kittens had decided to lick up for turning back to Ryou.

"NO! DON'T THROW U-"

HEARL!

Much kitten washing latter…

I have finally finished washing the little demons and cleaning the floor. Ryou's gone to bed. Not that I can blame him. Coming like that four timed can really do a guy in…mind you I would have preferred it if he had been sent to bed early from coming too much in a different sort of way…

I smirk and head back into the kitchen. My attention no where in particular as I now began to fiddle with a peace of paper on the table and listen to the cats beg to be let out of their box.

Like that's going to happen any time soon!

I snicker slightly before deciding to look at the paper in my hand.

Family Studies Project.

_With a partner you must back and design a recipe of your own choice._

_Try to be a unique as possible._

_Have fun._

_Partner: Yuugi Mouto._

_General mix: Cookies._

_Due: Wednesday_

I thought for a minute allowing my mind to do it's thing and think about what I could do with this. I have cookies…the goods are due for tomorrow. Ryou hasn't been baking lately…so that would mean that Yuugi would have the cookies.

My smirk grew wider as my plan became clearer…

Scooping my cookies into a tupperware container and pulling on my shoe's I ran out the door. This was going to be one hell of a night!

I arrived at the Mouto shop within half an hour. They don't live as close as you may think…The school id closer for fucks sake!

I shake my head at my thought for a moment before moving to a window. If I was going to switch their project with my own then I was going to have to be sneaky about it…

I pressed a hand ageist the foggy glass and gently pushed up, the window slipping open easily.

Pleased with the easy entry I entered the room. Peering about it.

It was full of mist…mist and a sink...and a curtain…and OH MY RA I'M IN THEIR BATHROOM!

I drop my cookies and flip around, decided that now would definitely be the best time to leave when put of no where the Pharaoh appeared!

More less he walked out form behind the curtain…in a towel…nothing but a towel…

"Bakura!"

he jumps back and slips, the towel flying and with it the Pharaoh.

My eye's widened and I too am left dumfounded at the sight before me. Taking a quick step back only to hear to have the door open and knock me forward…

Yuugi's POV

I sat on my bed talking to Ryou on the phone about our cookies. There were going great! He had made the recipe and I had baked them! It was a good trade off.

"So you got all the baking done then?"

"Yep! Three dozen cookies for the class and staff!"

I can almost feel him smile. I like it when Ryou smiles. He's like Yami in that way…I treasure their smiles…both of them make me want to melt…

"Bakura!"

I blink at the odd name chanted from my bathroom and blink at my door for a moment before getting up and moving to the bathroom.

"My yami just said your yami's name…"

"Why would he want to do that?"

I opened the door and froze…

"Because your yami's between my yami's legs on the bathroom floor having a saliva exchange…AHHHHHH!"

AN- I know, I know…it wasn't funny…but hey I'm sorry I wasn't board! If you like it let me know and I'll continue it if you want me too…sorry guy's…I didn't mean to let you down. Though you must admit having Bakura land between Yami's legs and do a lip lock will make a good beginning for the next chapter. -


	3. Enter Marik

AN- I'm sorry dudes but unfortunately I do not believe that this chapter is funny…though I do believe that it is setting up the story pretty good for the next seven chapters. So if you shall bear with me I would like to thank Vicious-Loner for helping me edit and spell check my last chapter of one of my stories…however I can't remember which one and I forgot to add her to the thank you part…so here it is.

THE ENTIER IF THIS STORY IS NOW DEDACATED TO YOU FOR BREATHING! Thank you. -

Oh! AndI have the next chapter for My Life, my Death, My Story done up I just have to edit it.

Disclaimer- I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh. if I did I wouldn't be trying to download the first season now would I?

**Bakura's Rant**

Chapter three: Enter Marik

I am once more sitting on my couch and staring at the blank TV, the kittens have surrounded me and the cat, Kura, has taken up sitting on my lap...

"Traitor..." I mumble for what must have been the hundredth time.

"You knew all along that you were a girl! A she-devil! To think that I had been spilling my heart to you, telling all of my manly secrets to the likes of you just to have you turn around and be a girl!" I pout as the beast continues to rub up against my leg, begging for attention.

I ignore it, the same was that I've been ignoring it for the past week.

Gods it's annoying.

"You're as bad as the Pharaoh..." I proclaim receiving a lick from my new found friend and then another from...

"GEAH! THAT'S DISGUSTING!"

I wipe my head around just in time to find Marik with his tong hanging out of his mouth.

"Marik that was disgusting! What the hell was that for!"

The spiky blond haired other simply gave me a smirk and jumped over the back of the couch to take a seat next to that of my own.

"Come to think of it why the hell are you in my house?"

Still smirking he moves an arm over me and pulls my boy tight against his own.

I hate Malik's Yami.

"I wanted to know if the rumors were true."

"What rumors?"

"That you went and fucked the Pharaoh to his next birthday."

Gods...that was blunt.

"I did not fuck the Pharaoh! I fell on top of him!"

"Over and over and over an-"

"NO! I slipped and fell on top of him! End of discussion!"

"Don't forget the lip lock!"

I feel my eye twitch and look to see that his grin has more then doubled.

"I hate you."

"I know."

I moved to leave and he moved me for me.

Frowning I examine my new chair. Marik.

"So..." he slurs his words slowly sticking his tong into my ear, and I can't help but think of Ryou giving myself a bit of a problem. "Was he any good?"

"NOO!" My eyes pop open and I jump to my feet.

"Ra no, hell no! That was the most disgusting thing I had ever, ever, EVER tasted! It was vial!"

He's laughing at me now...mind you that was to be expected. I would have done the same think if I had found out that Marik had been kissing the Pharaoh and then jumped off my lap with a huge bone-oh hell no!

"I AM NOT TURNED ON BY THE PHARAOH!"

"Then please-" more laughing. "ex-ex-explain-" more laughing "- that to me!" he points to my genitals and I give a small cringe at having his hand that close to my crotch...

Frowning I began to think threw my options. I could either tell Marik of my feelings for Ryou and that I had been fantasizing while sitting on his lap...though not by MY choice!...or I could tell him that it was the Pharaoh that was turning me on...

But of course, thanks to my plenty skilled mind, I came up with an even better plan.

"Well I was sitting on your lap wasn't I?" Brilliant! Now he can't say that I'm in love with the Pharaoh!

"So you're saying that **I** turn you on?" Or then again maybe not...

Moving to his feet he began to ascend towards me, and for once in my life I'm being forced ageist the wall...in fear!

What can I say? The guy's crazy, even to me!

"Maybe." I smirk as i feel my back hit the wall and know all too well what's coming next. One of his hands rest next to my head, just to the right of it so that I may have no escape while the other...OH MY RA!

My eyes grow bigger then what they have ever widened to before and I swear that I just squeaked!

"Hmmm...I think I may like this answer..."

He begins to lean in for a kiss and there is nothing I can do about it! Why? Because I have my arms pined ageist the wall by his body my head held in place with his hand and well...I'm not doing any kicking while he's got **that** in hand!

"Mew mew mewwww.."

"mew"

"mew"

"mew"

"mew"

He raises an eye brow to my loving little fuzz balls and I can't help but smile. It seems that I wont be having to cook them after all.

"What the hell? Since when did you get these things!" He releases me crouching to the ground and picking up Mittens. Mittens is my favorite of all the kittens. He, and yes I did check, was born with a two tipped tail and black paws. The rest of him is white. well except for his tail which is also black tipped, just like a mitten.

"Since Kura shot them out his ass."

"Kura's a girl?"

"No men can have baby's."

His eyes widened and all I can do is shake my head as he tries to fine where they would come out of on Mittens.

"You dumb-ass! men can't have babies!"

Blinking for a moment he places down the mini-cat and frowned.

"Does that mean I wont have to check Malik?"

"Yes that means that you wont have to check Malik!"

"Ohhhh..."

I roll my eyes. It seems that today's going to be a little more boring then what I had expected it to be.

Maybe I should go on the computer and type again...that's always fun! No! wait...I can't...if I do then Marik will start shooting babies out of his ass! And the last thing that I need is an army of ravaging mini-Mariks! All short and trying to molest me...

"ewwww..."

He raises an eyebrow at my random sound but I simply keep the info to myself.

Flopping back on the couch again he motions for me to take a seat before going to talk. I move over taking the furthest seat away from him...not that it lasted and soon found myself upon his lap again.

"When's Ryou getting home..." he purrs the words ageist the nape of my neck and I can feel my problem grow...

"Not soon enough..." Actually I think he'll be getting home around eight. Which thankfully will be in thirty minutes...now if I could just manage to last that long...

"Well you seem to be pretty board right now...why don't I help entertain you some..."

"NO!" His eyes widen at my sudden out burst and I shoot from his lap. "No way! The last time you decided to 'entertain me' I was left limping for a month! I am not going threw that again! Especially when Ryou's going to be home so freaking soon!...besides...I want to screw him, not you."

It was with this that his surprised expression slowly twists into that of a devilish smirk.

"Do you need any help in getting together with your little abiou?" he moved form his seat walking slow dangerous circles around me.

Now what the hell is he up to...

"I could help you get him...I am after all with my hakari, so I obviously know how to get them." My deep violet orbs are following him as he continues to make circles around me and the rest off the room...it's getting a little freaky...

"What do you mean?"

"Exactly what I'm saying, I know how I could get you with Ryou and in his bed in a week! All you have to do is follow everything that I say."

I frown at the sound of this...to follow everything that HE says is suicide, and I know it. But hell I want Ryou and he does have Malik...though he is a psychopath...but still! I'm desperate I'll give anything a try!

"What's the catch?"

"After all's said and done if he's with you then you own me one of what ever I want regardless of what it may be!"

His half lidded hues are screaming with excitement and I swear that I might just have to gorge them out if he doesn't stop being so stupid...but the hell with it!

Extending my hand he takes it into his own and we then shake on the deal. He owns my soul...well practically! and I get Ryou...sounds okay...I think...

There's a squeaking form the door and I turn to see my beloved Ryou carrying in some delicious groceries!

"Oh Gods no!"

We both raise eye brows as to what it is that he's looking at.

"You two are shaking hands! I'm screwed!" Blinking I turned my attention to that of our still holding hands and then to the smashing sound of Ryou dropping the groceries and racing out the door.

I shout a few profanities and Marik stands there smiling, eyeing me as he always does while I continue to curse.

"No more Ryou!"

"What- WOAH!"

Within a moment I'm knocked to the ground with Marik straddling my waist and continuing his before plans with my body…weather I like it or not.

Thus with my shirt by my head and a hand to my crotch I turn to the cat and say the last coherent words that will be leaving my mouth for the next hour.

"This is going to be a hell of a week..."

AN- Well that wasn't too bad now was it? We finally got a semi-plot to the story and I think that it's finally starting to come together.

Also if you guys would like I can make a Yaoi/lemon scean in one of the upcoming chapters. But you'd have to tell me if you want it.


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